The Impact of Domestic Violence on Attorney Well-Being and Professional Responsibility
No matter where you are in your legal career, you have likely noticed a shift in the profession. The legal field has long been portrayed as being all-consuming; a place where time off is rare, vulnerability is seen as weakness, and perfectionism is expected. Personal struggles were meant to stay home, as work did not wait for anyone. But we are moving away from that mentality and beginning to acknowledge that attorneys are whole people who struggle with issues such as chronic stress, burnout, substance abuse, and mental health challenges. And these issues do not disappear at the office door. As a result, conferences, CLEs, podcasts, and professional publications are increasingly addressing attorney well-being alongside legal doctrine.
The message is clear: personal well-being affects professional performance, and this can carry ethical consequences. If we truly accept that premise, then we must be willing to confront any issue that frequently impacts well-being, but as a profession we haven’t. There is one critical issue that remains largely ignored —domestic violence within the legal profession.
Well-Being and Professional Responsibility
Trauma and significant personal stress can materially impair an attorney’s ability to function at their full capacity, resulting in both personal and professional consequences. Beyond the emotional toll, these experiences can diminish concentration, disrupt efficiency, and compromise sound decision-making. Recognizing these effects has sparked attorney-wellness initiatives designed to improve performance, retention, and workplace culture.
But in a profession governed by enforceable ethical standards, well-being is more than a cultural concern—it is a professional one. Attorneys are bound by duties of competence, diligence, and communication. Competence (ABA Model Rule 1.1) encompasses not only legal knowledge, but the preparation, attention, and judgment required effectively represent a client; Diligence (Rule 1.3) demands dedication and timeliness; and Communication (Rule 1.4) requires clarity, responsiveness, and reliability.
An attorney living under coercive control may still meet deadlines, win cases, and provide exceptional legal guidance, but at tremendous personal cost and with increased risk of burnout or error. The rules of professional responsibility are designed to ensure integrity and excellence in our profession. Ignoring the existence of domestic violence amongst our peers does not advance this goal, it undermines it.
By confronting the stigma surrounding domestic violence and addressing it as part of a broader well-being framework, we provide essential support to affected attorneys, reinforce the legal community’s commitment to our core principles, and allow the legal community to lead the way in creating healthier, more supportive workplace cultures.
The Silence Around Domestic Violence
When domestic violence is discussed in legal circles, it is typically framed as a client or a philanthropic issue. Individuals and firms generously give time and money to support victims, prosecutors receive training to better handle domestic assault cases, seminars are available for nonprofit practitioners to improve advocacy and support for victims, and family law attorneys factor in domestic violence when deciding litigation strategy.
But domestic violence is rarely discussed as something that happens to attorneys.
The omission likely stems from a deeply ingrained societal narrative about who a victim is supposed to be. As a society, we have been conditioned to picture a victim with specific characteristics; financially dependent, uneducated, lacking professional status, socially isolated, passive, and timid. In contrast, an attorney is seen as financially stable, educated, community leader, influential, strong, successful, composed, and high achieving. These conflicting stereotypes create a belief is that this issue does not affect us. But that belief is wrong.
When Success and Abuse Coexist
For thirteen years, I built a thriving legal career while hiding an abusive marriage.
I was a prosecutor specializing in sex crimes and child abuse. I served as in-house counsel for a large public school system, advising leadership and managing significant civil litigation. I tried cases before juries, argued in state and federal appellate courts, and earned a reputation as a capable and rising attorney.
At the same time, I lived in fear in my own home.
I avoided deep sleep because that put my guard down. I documented my activities to prepare for interrogations at home. I worried about missed phone calls while in court. I hid bruises beneath business suits. I was hypervigilant in anticipation of punishment while simultaneously preparing for trial or formulating guidance for a multi-billion dollar organization.
From the outside, nothing appeared amiss. I was competent, successful, and respected. I won trials, my legal advice was sound, and I was an active participant in numerous community organizations. But I lived a dual life – intense, private pain with a curated public persona. Despite the abuse, I did not feel incapable of practicing law. In fact, the desperate need to hide my situation intensified my perfectionism tendencies and improved my efficiency. But every task carried an additional weight that was unbearable at times. The cost of this life was invisible and overwhelming.
My story is not an anomaly. Since leaving my marriage, I have repeatedly heard stories just like mine being told by attorneys across the country. Criminal lawyers. Civil litigators. Big law partners. Solo practitioners. Government attorneys. In-house counsel. Attorneys in all areas of law. And most of the attorneys who shared their story with me has kept this secret from their colleagues even after leaving their abusive relationship.
In addition to the common reasons that victims struggle to leave, many of us faced pressured related to our professional status. We could not reconcile our professional identity with the idea of being a victim. We feared reputational repercussions and the loss of hard-earned respect. We worried colleagues would question our judgment or emotional stability. We believed our education should protect us, so we minimized the abuse and doubted our own perceptions. Above all, we believed that we were alone.
Leaving an abusive relationship is already difficult. As a profession, we risk making this act feel impossible. When we recognize other personal struggles but remaining silent about domestic violence, we reinforce false narratives, perpetuate stigma, and deepen shame that keeps victims quiet.
Immediate Actions for All Attorneys
It is not necessary to reinvent existing wellness programs to address domestic violence as a professional issue. Instead, we must expand them. Firms, organizations, and individuals can begin creating meaningful change immediately through a few simple but impactful actions:
Explicitly acknowledge that attorneys experience domestic violence. The assumption that victims look or behave a certain way must be dismantled. Openly discussing the issue reduces stigma and signals safety and support.
Integrate domestic violence awareness into wellness programming and professional responsibility discussions.
Offer and attend trainings specifically designed to raise awareness and address misconceptions about domestic violence among professionals.
Provide resources, including discreet support options tailored to professionals.
Implications for Family Law and Litigation Practice
For attorneys representing clients in domestic matters, eliminating bias is critical. Any high-achieving professional can face many of the same barriers that keep attorneys quiet about their abuse. Seeking legal assistance does not eliminate these barriers, and these clients may still hesitate to fully disclosure their circumstances.
Victims often minimize their experiences and may not identify with the term “victim.” They may appear confident, composed, and accomplished, making it easy to overlook subtle signs of abuse. Yet not knowing the full extent of your client’s situation may undermine your effectiveness.
Attorneys that implement a trauma-informed approach with all clients may create a stronger trust and quickly signal safety. When clients feel safe, they are more likely to share critical details. Additionally, understanding trauma helps attorneys interpret behaviors that may otherwise appear inconsistent or counterproductive. Without this awareness, attorneys risk inaccurately assessing a client or a case.
The Power of Acknowledgment
When we ignore that domestic violence impacts our colleagues, we fail them. When we apply stereotypes to our clients, we risk mishandling a case. But, by immediately embracing the reality and enormity of this issue we will greatly improve our profession, our workplaces, and the lives of many colleagues. Sometimes a simple act of validation is all a victim needs to gain the strength to leave.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Amanda Lee authored this article for the American Bar Association. The ABA Family Law Section originally published Amanda’s article on February 2026: Link